i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
