I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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