she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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