Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
