I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
