Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
