We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
