bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My dick has a subreddit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize