Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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