I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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