I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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