My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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