a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your face is a jimmy john
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
