I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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