her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
