just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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