dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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