I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
