I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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