peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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