My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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