Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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