Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize