She announced her abortion via fbk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
