If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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