butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
