I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
