Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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