Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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