Me too!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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