I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
