did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
do nipples grow back?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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