Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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