So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
