I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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