I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
