I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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