I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
