A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
