My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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