yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
