Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
