He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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