she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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