You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
