Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
