Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had sex on a roof
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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