Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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