I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
