I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
