My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize