I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
