It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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