it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
