when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
