she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
