Define "chronic" masturbator.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize