Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
