I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
