the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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