I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
