K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
