mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
