Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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