are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
