i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
