He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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