Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
