I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
