whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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