I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
