I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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