drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
