I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
