He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
