I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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