You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just gift wrapped bread.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
